dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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