It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
