He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
