just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Panties = found
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize