During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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