I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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