I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
