I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
