The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
