so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I came so hard my ears popped.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
