the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
