not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
