Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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