Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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