Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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