my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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