At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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