does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
