even my farts smell like vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
