Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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