hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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