I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
