Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
