Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
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You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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