life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
