Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
