And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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