you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You left your phone here
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