New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
