I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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