so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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