meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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