Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
