She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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