my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
