You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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