piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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