I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
