haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't turn off my feet"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
