Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
