I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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