just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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