bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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