Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry muffinmage hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(212): View more from New York

I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in

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(718): View more from New York

Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

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(585): View more from New York

I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

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(310): View more from California

I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Tiny.

(402): View more from Nebraska

I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.

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