Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
