I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
