John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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