no, he came in my armpit
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
