Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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