I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
