i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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