Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
