Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
