Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
