Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
