If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
