Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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