your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cannot find my penis.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
