All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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