Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
