I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
