Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
