Farmville is her only friend.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
