I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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