Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
