If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
