i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
