All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
