He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
