i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
