i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
