i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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