I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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