So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
