Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
