Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
