i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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